Rediscover Yourself
Life isn’t perfect. Sometimes we go through seasons where everything is working out and we appreciate how blessed we are. Other times things are so hard you wonder what you did wrong to deserve what you are going through. They say all of our decisions and choices got us each to where we are today and sometimes it feels like maybe we should have made better choices. During the tough times it can feel like you lose yourself and question everything in your life.
During the hard times I often retreat and look into myself and do a lot of self-reflection and live in the quiet time to understand my emotions. I focus on journalling and prayer. Others may need to be surrounded by friends and family.
Here are a few things you can do when you feel ‘lost’ and need to find yourself again and get things back on track.
Practice Self Reflection
Free write your thoughts and emotions down without having a filter. Let the emotions come onto the page. Once down re-read what your wrote to better understand your raw emotions.
Reflect on Your Past but Don’t Live There
Reflect on the happier times in your life and what about those times made you more happy. Was it when you did what you wanted without fear of judgement? Be careful not to live in the past though stuck on negative emotions of the past. Stuck in thoughts of the past can leave you trapped and sometimes feeling worse.
Embrace Quiet Time
Schedule time for you to journal, take a walk or just sit in the silence of your thoughts. Listen to your inner voice and process your emotions. Sometimes we need time in silence to really hear what is happening inside of us.
Self Care
Exercise, take a walk, deep breathing exercises to calm your mind and learn to relax your body. Sometimes us high performers feel guilt when we do nothing. We need to change our mindset and reduce guilt we feel and tell ourselves we are allowed to relax and do nothing. Ensure to engage in things daily that bring you joy. Find hobbies you love.
Live
Truly live your life. Do more than go to work everyday and come home and eat and sleep. Many of us fall into the trap of work and sleep and house work and do very little else that brings us joy. I recently watch a clip with Phil Rosenthal. He is from the Netflix show ‘Somebody Feed Phil”. He travels around the world trying different cuisines. The clip I saw he talked about that even if you can’t afford to travel overseas, focus on travelling around where you live. Try a new restaurant every week, visit smaller towns around you, basically just go out and explore. Many of us get stuck in routine and we need to actually start living our lives.
Connect with Others
If you have a friends or family you trust talk to them about how you feel. Talk to mental health professionals if you are comfortable with that. Sometimes even just taking a break from social media can help. We often compare our everyday life with other’s highlight reel. Not a fair comparison and often times can make us feel worse that we aren’t enough and not doing enough.
Be Honest With Yourself
Be honest with yourself about your negative habits. Do you have narcissistic trait to victimize yourself? Do you live in your negative thoughts? Do you live in your old beliefs? Do you care too much what other people think of you? Are you in a toxic environment you need to step away from? What is truly stopping you from being your best self? Are you comparing yourself to others or simply too hard on yourself to be perfect?
Really focus on your self awareness to rediscover your true you.
The other thing I read recently and discovered can contribute to oneself feeling ‘lost’ is when we place too much value and weight of other’s opinion of us to validate our self worth. You will have people who love you and you will have people who hate you. Every person that meets you will have a different version of you they see. You will never be the same person to different people. As we go through life we change. Our experiences mold us into who we are today. Good or bad. When you are feeling lost you need to take back your power and not let other’s opinion of you validate your self worth.
It is easier said than done especially in your work environment. The burden of financially being the sole provider for your family can make the need of people liking you vital to feeling secure as the breadwinner and not let your family down. It is tougher to not let your self worth be dictated by those that work with or for you. This means it is even more important to create boundaries and build an identity of who you are outside of work. I remember a scene from the movie Eat, Pray, Love that stared Julia Roberts. They were around the table and she was asked her what her ‘word’ was. She said writer. They then corrected her and said ‘That is what you do, not who you are.’ So remind yourself daily that your self worth is not tied to your job.
So if you are like me and all your thoughts revolve around work 24/7 you need to set boundaries and leave work at work. Don’t let your work phone be the first thing you look at in the morning. Fill your personal time with things you love to do and focus on you.
Stop giving the power of your self worth to those who don’t deserve it.
“No one can make you feel inferior without your consent.”
